ARE YOU A MILLIONAIRE YET???

No?  Well, let’s use Twitter 2000 to fix that.

Twitter2000 “is your Twitter Marketing arsenal that lets you access tried, tested and trusted twitter tools and services at a single place.”  And they seem pretty convinced that Twitter is the most important source of potential wealth on the planet.

You think that’s impressive?  Just wait!  My crack team of abacus monkeys assures me that “if Twitter’s current growth rate keeps up,” they could be at 90 billion members by 2020 — AND ALL OF THEM WANT TO BE MARKETED TO BY YOU.  (Don’t let them down!!!!)

So how does Twitter 2000 work?  Simple:

That’s right: you “buy 2000 potential Twitter followers.”  Not guaranteed followers, mind you, but people who might follow you.  (I guess it would harsh Twitter 2000’s mellow to point out that ALL Twitter users are your potential followers, and you don’t have to buy any of them.)

But that’s okay, because Twitter 2000 is also your gateway to some kick-ass tools.

And which tools does Twitter 2000 condone?  You may have heard of them — TweetDeck, SocialOomph, and even a crazy app called Search.Twitter, which… oh, wait… Search.Twitter is actually part of Twitter itself?  Who knew?  (Not Twitter 2000’s users, I bet.)

As for marketing, Twitter 2000 can help you learn the secrets of the masters — like auto-follow, auto-DM and other automated skillz that really help you feel personally connected to your 2000 brand new potential acquaintances.

Still wondering if you should advertise through Twitter 2000?  Fear not — their explanation is almost bulletproof:

Twitter 2000 is the “most affordable and effective way to drive traffic to your website ever.”  And by “ever,” they must mean “in the history of websites,” since that’s what “ever” means.  (I’m sure there’s proof of that claim somewhere in their fine print.)

ARE YOU EXCITED YET?  You should be.  If Twitter 2000 keeps growing at its current rate, it’ll be able to rock you to sleep at night in your man-sized cradle lined with money.